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Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.