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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!