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I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.