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Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.