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take me drunk i`m home
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.