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French people give me the crepes.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
I like it like that
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.