Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?