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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"