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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
I just awesomed all over the place.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point