Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."
Sweating is for people who do stuff.