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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
Most problems can be solved with nudity
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.