Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.