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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
Life`s tough. It`s tougher if you`re stupid...
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.