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I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...