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Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
I think eating is my kind of sport.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.