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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
Theirye’re, problem solved.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.