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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"