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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.