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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
Best thing to do when you`re stuck in a group text is to to throw your phone in the street and start a new life and maybe get some chipotle
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?