Daily Silly Status

It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.

I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.

I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?

Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.

So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.

Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.

“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature

Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.

I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.

My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5

Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.

I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....

I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.

There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves

I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m