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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...