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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.