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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.