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Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"