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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"