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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?