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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.