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I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I`m Tweeting." Boss: "What`s the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.