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If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.