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Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants