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I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.