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Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
Party like you will never be invited to another!
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.