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Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.