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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?