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If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me