Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
The less you know, the more you think you do.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?