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Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
If anyone is interested, I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 1:00 PM until I’m escorted out by security.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."