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I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!