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A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.