Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.