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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?