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I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.