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My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
High-five a veteran today.
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.