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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.