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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver