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I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?