Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.