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Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.