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When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
I’m late for a disappointment.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.