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I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do