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If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
That logical moment when you`re watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven`t taken him away from his parents yet.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........