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Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.