Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.