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I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Don`t believe everything you think.
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.