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I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.