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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.